Ranking thoughts

"..and it's hard to be a human being, and it's harder as anything else.." Modest Mouse

Well, I've made it to #8,431 in General Fashion on Bloglovin'. Ha ha. Wow. I've also noticed that Bloglovin' has reached a record mark of 1,000,000 members. So many blogs, so many beautiful people, so much lovely fashion. Then I realize how small my blog actually is. Then I see photos like this one that I saw in Vogue, and start to feel overwhelmed with thoughts like "I could never create anything this beautiful". So today was consumed with thoughts of discouragement and overwhelm. Then I remembered what it is that fills me with joy and happiness.. "keeping it real". My inspiration comes when I am "living", when I am being true to that unseen voice of inspiration in my head, and mostly, when I am creating those ideas and making them a reality. At times, I find myself sitting down to work, and then being taken by the infinite world of blogs and then an hour or so goes by and I haven't created anything and soon I walk away from the computer feeling tired, out of date, behind the times, and drained. This is a cycle I've noticed which goes like this: an influx of ideas, information, & inspiration, then there is a sort of maximum capacity & sensory overload, then a withdrawal, then later I am ready to create my personal contribution to the blog again. I wonder if the blog world would be more gentle on me if I were just a reader or observer, not a player. But then I wouldn't get those truly special moments when somebody I respect tremendously acknowledges what I've been doing, the one on one interaction with others like myself who tell me I've inspired them, that feeling when something I've created, put my heart & soul into gets recognized, that is the real reward, not the #s. So I continue to post.


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